Trau dồi tiếng Anh
 

(Nhân ngày 14-2, chỉ dành cho gentlemen học tiếng Anh)

ANDY ROONEY ON SEX!

1. When I was born, I was given a choice - a big pecker or a good memory....
I don't remember what I chose.

2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.

4. Impotence: nature's way of saying, "No hard feelings..."

5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - 'don't' and
'stop', unless they are used together.

6. Panties: not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.

7. There are three stages in a man's life: Tri-Weekly, Try Weekly and Try
Weakly.

8. Virginity can be cured.

9. Virginity is not dignity, it's lack of opportunity.

10. Having sex is like playing bridge - if you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand.

11. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dial were too small.

12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.

13. Question: What's an Australian kiss? Answer: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.

14. A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing.

15. Question: What are the three biggest tragedies in a man's life? Answer: Life sucks, job sucks and the wife doesn't.

16. Question: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Answer: Breasts don't have eyes.

17. Despite the old saying, 'Don't take your troubles to bed', many men still sleep with their wives!

The 11th Husband
 

The 11th Husband

A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands.

On their wedding night, she said to her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a Virgin".

"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

"Husband #2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function; but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

"Husband #3 was from Field Services; he said that everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

"Husband #4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

"Husband #5 was an Engineer; he understood the basic process but he wanted three years to research, implement and design a new state of the-art method.

"Husband #6 was from Administration; he thought he knew how but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

"Husband #7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it...

"Husband #8 was a Psychiatrist; all he did was talk about it.

"Husband #9 was a Gynaecologist; all he did was look at it.

"Husband #10 was a Stamp Collector; all he ever did was admire it.....

"But now that I've married you, I'm so excited".

"Wonderful", said the husband, "but why?

"You're with the GOVERNMENT, this time I KNOW I'm gonna get SCREWED!"

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